All posts by Louise Taylor

Podcasts!

I’ve really got into podcasts in the last year or so. You know, once I figured out what they were and everything.

Pre-recorded radio shows available to download on a range of topics? Yes please!

My absolute favourite? So hard to pick just one, but I think the one I got most excited about updating, and the one I got the most upset about when it finished was The Thrilling Adventure Hour. A weekly podcast containing three short radio plays in the style of the ones from the 40s? All comedies? Many famous guest voices? Yes please! My favourite was Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars, probably because Nathan Fillion often guested on it and they had to explain to him the concept of a space western… There were many other plays, all spoofing various genres – campy 60s sci-fi with Captain Laserbeam, Dr Who-style time travel with the very camp The Cross-Time Adventures Of Colonel Tick-Tock (with his trick clock!), Depression-era hobo travel Down In Moonshine Holler as a millionaire turns hobo to find his one true love, the hobo princess, a sort of supernatural Nick and Nora in Beyond Belief.

It’s finished now, but all the episodes are available through iTunes and other podcatchers and they occasionally update with new bonus material. It was through The Thrilling Adventure Hour that I found We Got This With Mark and Hal, two members of the Thrilling cast who debate stupid arguments every week so we don’t have to. Ever needed to know if it’s OK to put ketchup on a burger?  Which Christmas movie is the best? The ultimate question – which is better, Star Wars or Star Trek? Now, I must admit, I don’t always agree with their decisions. For better or worse, they’re very US-centric but they are amusing and Mark Gagliardi has a very sexy voice. So, there’s that.

I’ve always considered myself half a historian, as my degree was split between history and English literature. I listen to a few different history podcasts on different ends of the spectrum. On one end is Stuff You Missed In History Class. Two non-historians research and deliver a 30 minute podcast on as aspect of world history that often isn’t covered in school – again, the US curriculum as the podcast is American. They often pick interesting topics that I haven’t heard of, but sometimes you do get some badly recorded interviews with curators of textile museums, so pick your download carefully, I suppose. On the other end of that scale is Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History, a podcast that updates every few months and produces hours and hours of careful analysis of different historical topics. Dan Carlin is no trained historian either, but you can’t deny that he puts his work in. I skipped his First World War series, as I’ve studied that a lot and there’s not a lot there that isn’t familiar to me, but his series on the Greeks and Persians had me fascinated as I’ve never learned any Classical history. Definitely one for a long drive somewhere. In the middle is the History Extra podcast, updated fortnightly and accompanying the BBC History magazine. The production values can be a bit low when they’ve recorded on location, and the editor of the magazine is completely the wrong choice to narrate the links as he has the most adenoidal voice ever, but the power of the BBC name does get them a lot of access to interesting historical sites and they’ve taken to allowing historians to interview other historians.

I’m a massive A Song of Ice and Fire nerd, so I’ve got a couple of podcasts about both the book series and the tv series. I’m having to grit my teeth with one of them – History of Westeros should be everything my nerdy little heart is desperate for, in-depth analysis of the background world of the books. Unfortunately, the early episodes, the interesting ones, are very difficult to listen to due to the horrific sound quality. They improved their quality with their later episodes, but their main host often comes across as smug. His sidelined female co-host also has the most annoying laugh I’ve ever heard. I’ve suffered through them because they were the only podcast I could find that wanted to discuss the history of Westeros, but my patience is really limited with them these days. Radio Westeros has much better production values and hosts who are far less grating, but they don’t delve into the history nearly as much.

Serial and Page 94: A Private Eye Podcast both look at topical news issues, Serial in a long-term, in depth way and Page 94 in a much shorter way. No Such Thing As A Fish is a weekly podcast from the QI Elves, who talk about what Quite Interesting facts they’ve dug up this week. Always funny and informative, I really recommend this podcast. You Must Remember This  is a weekly well-researched look at the first hundred years of cinematic history, even if the host’s voice lands too far into languorous sex-kitten territory on occasion.  Welcome To Night Vale is a podcast legend at this point, an extended story of a strange little desert town where literal five headed dragons run for mayor, the Old Lady Who Lives In Your House watches your every move and if you’re very lucky you’ll get a scientist with perfect, perfect hair for your very own. Weird and atmospheric, it updates twice a month.

My latest find is the adorable Can I Pet Your Dog?, which is simply two dog nerds sitting and rhapsodising about the dogs they’ve met that week. As I too am a massive dog nerd but cannot have a dog because of my long working hours, this is a blissful excursion into a life I wish I had. The voice of their producer is a little off-putting, but the enthusiasm of the two hosts is infectious.

Anybody got any recommendations? I’m always on the look-out for a new podcast!

 

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Release date imminent!

Well, in 73 days. But I have a release date for not one but two – that’s right, two brand new books!

August 13th 2016 will see the release of the third novel in The Ruttingdon Club series. It was so large – over 150000 words – that I made the decision to split it into two halves. Me and George R R Martin, folks. Too wordy for our own good.

Having Faith, the first half, tells the story of how the very good and respectable Miss Faith Halstead found her normal life ripped away from her because of one dreadful mistake. Alone, vulnerable and now a fallen woman, a mix-up at a railway station lands her in front of the Duke of Buckingham, premiere member of the Ruttingdon Club and a man who demands his own way – and gets it. In need of female companionship for an upcoming Ruttingdon Club house party, he offers the role to Faith; in return for her submission, she would earn enough money to start her life afresh.

One week of sin with the most handsome duke in England – dare she refuse?

Well no, she doesn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t have had to write Keeping Faith, the concluding half!

Faith Halstead has done it again – she’s fallen in love with the wrong man. The Duke of Buckingham may have bought her body, but she’s given her heart away for nothing. Her week with the duke has been extended to a month, and she’s never been happier, but it’s bittersweet; soon she will have to leave him and start a new life somewhere far away from the blissful depravity of the duke’s country home. Meanwhile, the duke has been wrestling with his own feelings towards the beautiful, naive woman who has blossomed into the perfect submissive before him. The Ruttingdon Club’s house party at his country home opens his eyes to the darker side of the private club’s traditions and members, and the house party turns into a desperate race to save Faith from the evil clutches of the villainous Sir Leslie. It’s a good thing for the Duke of Buckingham that he can rely on his friend the Duke of Rothmuir and his new wife for help bring Faith back where she belongs – in his arms.

Yes, despite this being a book about a completely different couple, Annabelle and her husband have made an appearance in Keeping Faith. I couldn’t help it; Annabelle was so excited to go to a Club meeting at the end of Annabelle Awakens, I couldn’t keep her out of it! Then when everything takes a turn for the dramatic, she acts as how I imagine a spirited woman of the age would have acted, especially when supported by her besotted husband. Let’s just say that Annabelle makes her mark on the villain, and we’ll leave it as that!

The books will be released simultaneously, to make sure that nobody has to deal with any annoying cliffhangers. I’m waiting for a revised contract and for my poor editor to get to grips with the enormity of the task ahead of him, but when I get the go-ahead I’ll post the first chapter for free here, as I usually do.

Roll on August 13th!

 

coming-soon

 

 

 

Book Promotion – Are You Sitting Comfortably? By Bethany Leigh

AreYouSitting

Multiple heroines. Various misdeeds. Invariable punishment.

Are you sitting comfortably?

These ladies aren’t, after defiance, hijinks, bad attitude and other misbehaviour lands them a trip across a stern partner’s knee.

Penny’s husband Hayden wants to revive domestic discipline as well as romance as they travel around Australia. Penny isn’t so sure, but then she ignores an important instruction.

Lucy’s trying to trace a poison-pen writer and searching for an office to set up her own PI agency. Can she find a location boyfriend Noel approves of? (A standalone mystery featuring Lucy from At Dead of Night.)

Lady Helena has run away with her family’s footman after having a disastrous marriage declared void. How will she cope with life as lowly servant Nell? (Featuring two new characters from the Lady Margia/Freedom universe.)

Ruth is in love with the headmaster of the school where she works as a nurse. He seems unaware of her existence – until her madcap friend comes to stay, and a prank goes horribly wrong.

Enjoy eight short spanking stories, featuring feisty heroines from a range of genres – contemporary, mystery, historical and alt-history – all with one thing in common. They all have a man who knows just how to bring them back in line!

 

 

Purchase Links

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Are-You-Sitting-Comfortably-Collection-ebook/dp/B01G6F2NP2?ie=UTF8&keywords=bethany%20leigh&qid=1464235072&ref_=sr_1_5&sr=8-5

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Are-You-Sitting-Comfortably-Collection-ebook/dp/B01G6F2NP2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1464235458&sr=8-2&keywords=bethany+leigh

Excerpt

“Peter,” she said urgently, “did you pack the cane?”

“Huh?” Peter averted his eyes from the cartoon to Nicola.

“I said, did you pack the cane?” she repeated, irritated.

“No, I didn’t,” Peter snapped back. “You’re the one who packed up everything in the bedroom.”

“No, I packed the stuff we’d hung up in the wardrobe, and put in drawers. You gathered up everything from under the bed, remember? You did that first thing this morning when I was in the shower. If you’ve left it behind, Sophie and Simon will know…” Nicola had a mortifying mental image of Sophie and Simon picturing her bent over the bed, receiving six of the best. She groaned. God, the idea of anyone, especially Sophie and Simon, knowing about their little games…Nicola felt sick.

“We’ll have to go back for it, Peter,” she said. “Before they see it.”

Peter rose to his feet, and walked across to the door.

“Where are you going?” Nicola demanded. “I wish you wouldn’t just walk away and ignore me when I’m –”

“I’m going to check the car,” he told her. “I probably gathered it up with the bags that were under the bed. I don’t remember, but I probably packed it.”

“Yeah, well, if it’s been left behind it’s all your fault!” Nicola yelled at his retreating back. She stood in the window watching him hunting through the boot of their car. Bloody Peter, she thought savagely. He was the one who always bought junk on holidays, then stockpiled it under the bed in plastic bags. No wonder things got forgotten or mislaid. And he was the one who’d decided they should rise at five in the morning to pack before beginning the long drive home. She’d wanted to pack the night before, but he’d insisted on finishing the holiday in style, with a spa and dinner and wine…

On top of that, Peter was the one who’d insisted on bringing the damn cane along in the first place. He’d figured that given they were going to be somewhere where they could make a lot of noise without being overheard, they might as well make the most of it. So he’d taken along his favourite implements from their collection.

And it had been fun, Nicola couldn’t deny it. They’d played her favourite game of naughty schoolgirl and stern principal, and he’d applied the ruler, the slipper and the cane to her backside, leaving her sore and oh-so-horny… And now Sophie and Simon would know… Nicola watched Peter frowning as he closed the boot. It definitely hadn’t been packed. Oh, God…

 

Author Bio

Bethany Leigh is a writer of domestic dramas and detective stories spiced up with spankings and romance. Her books are: Freedom, set in an alternate Edwardian England; Betrothed, a short prequel to Freedom; At Dead of Night, a contemporary whodunit; and A Cure For All Ills, an anthology of short domestic discipline stories. All are published by Blushing Books.

Bethany lives in Australia. When she’s not writing, she likes hanging out with her family, catching up with friends over a wine or coffee, and spotting kangaroos, wombats, kookaburras and other fabulous wildlife in the bush near her home.

 

Author Links

http://bethanyleighromance.blogspot.com.au/

Twitter: @writerbethany1

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Bethany-Leigh-108399886191157/

Amazon author page (which contains links to all Bethany’s books): http://www.amazon.com/Bethany-Leigh/e/B018Z9NLSK/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1449447482&sr=8-1

 

Fucking hysterical!

 

 

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Early gynecology exam. Doesn’t she look happy, ladies?

I was doing some research yesterday for my next book and while reading this book by Rachel Maines on the history of vibrators I found some very interesting pictures!

Vibrators were developed to save the fingers of doctors who were treating women, both married and unmarried, for ‘hysteria’ – a catch-all diagnosis that covered any and all symptom a woman could name. It was discovered that orgasm, or ‘paroxysm’ would clear up a woman’s general malaise. Marriage was a recommended cure for hysteria, but when that was not possible, or the woman was not receiving strong enough attention from her husband, it fell to the doctor to provide the necessary stimulation. In a purely medical setting, of course!

(I’m not going to go into how ridiculous it was that women’s sexuality was being medicalised, or that how orgasm was supposed to be both distasteful for a woman and yet necessary for her mental and physical health. They didn’t seem to understand that clitoral stimulation is needed for the vast majority of women to achieve orgasm.Hell, they hadn’t bothered to delineate the clitoris from the vulva or the labia until the late eighteenth century. I’m appalled at what nineteeth century women had to go through, and my inner feminist is raring to get going at this manuscript and give the doctor-hero what for on behalf of women everywhere.)

However, doctors (always male, naturally) found manipulating women to orgasm difficult and somewhat distasteful, so the use of hydrotherapy, electrotherapy and primitive vibrators was considered better than manual massage for their patients.

Hydrotherapy – sounds almost relaxing, doesn’t it?

douche

That…that does not look relaxing to me. When you consider that was often cold water, too, I think I’d pass, thank you very much.

Electrotherapy often involved the deliberate collection of static electricity and its application to sensitive areas, using small rollers. When you consider how new the application of electricity to everyday objects was back then, I think that I’d sidestep the electrotherapy too. Weird fact, though: the electric powered vibrator was available for home purchase well before the electric vacuum cleaner or electric iron. I guess women knew what was important back then, even if men didn’t!

This mighty beast is called The Manipulator, and is only a tiny fraction of the actual machine. It was powered by a steam engine (!) which was kept in the next room.

early vibrator

 

manipulator part 2

 

You hook it up to the underside of an examination table, which has a convenient piece cut out and off you go – modern, steam-powered orgasms.

Men, of course, were treated for nervous conditions too, but the numbers of men requiring this kind of stimulation were nowhere near the number of women who went through it.

All very interesting food for thought for The Ruttingdon Series Book 4!

 

You guys thought it was going to take a long time and it only ended up taking 7 and a half hours.

enforcer

 

Ah, CJ Cregg. That West Wing quote in the header (from the second season episode The Leadership Breakfast, for any fellow West Wing fans out there) has helped me out several times when describing a task that took far longer than anyone thought possible. The quote in the picture is just a general life motto for myself.

In related news, I finished my new book!

The Ruttingdon Series, Book 3 is a whopping 150000 words in total, so I decided to split in into two sections. Part one is called Having Faith. Part two is called Keeping Faith.

(Go on, guess what my heroine’s name is. Guess!)

I’ve been working on this for what feels like years. In reality, I must have started it somewhere around October of last year, and now it’s May. By the time they’re edited and ready for release it’ll be July, probably, or longer. That’s like having a baby!

The damn thing just kept getting bigger and bigger. I have such a huge problem cutting things out. Thank goodness for a good editor!

Both parts have been accepted by the lovely people at Blushing Books, and will take the number of novels I’ve had published up to lucky number seven. I’ve also had a few stories in a Halloween anthology and I wrote a novella for last Christmas’ collection of themed short stories.

Of course, I’ve already started having stress dreams about them! I dreamed that I got a very nice email from Blushing telling me that they weren’t suitable for them, and that I was free to take them elsewhere. I woke up very relieved that it wasn’t true, let me tell you!

I need to do a few Real Life job things this weekend, but I want to get started on a Christmas novella that will fit into the Ruttingdon series and I’ve already plotted out and written 20000 words of a fourth Victorian Vices book.

I really am a glutton for punishment!

 

 

 

Promotion – Amelia Smarts, The Submissive Suffragette

submissive

 

About the Lone Star Love Series

My latest release is part of my Lone Star Love series with Blushing Books. While writing The Unbraiding of Anna Brown, about lonely widower Carter and sweet, plainspoken Anna who lights his way out of a dark depression, I came to understand the woman Carter was mourning. Carter’s first wife, Nalin, was sharp, feisty, and different from Anna in just about every way. I felt that Nalin and Carter deserved their own story, which led me to write The Submissive Suffragette, Book One in the series. Missy Meets the Marshal (Book Three) is as much an action and adventure story as it is a spanking romance. In it you’ll find villains, bounty hunters, murder, and a conscientious lawman who makes a life-altering choice to follow his heart instead of the law. And while these three books do make up a series, they can each be read and enjoyed as standalones. I hope you enjoy reading these books as much as I enjoyed writing them!

About The Submissive Suffragette
It’s the late 1800s and women are beginning to fight against the accepted roles of submissive housewife and mother. The suffragette movement is gaining ground. Nalin is one of these women. She is a devoted wife to Carter, and desperately longs for motherhood. But she is struggling to balance those desires with her belief that women need to be equal to men, and this starts, to her way of thinking, with the right to vote. She begins defying all the normal conventions – she wears pants instead of skirts to town, she cusses, she talks back to her husband. The consequences of her actions are that Carter takes a firm hand to her backside.

Carter, on the other hand, has always been quite happy with the status quo and is becoming more and more frustrated with Nalin’s constant defiance of all things considered lady-like. He has even come to believe that disciplining his recalcitrant wife is pointless. But her reaction to this declaration confuses them both.

Carter and Nalin both want children, but have so far suffered more than one devastating loss. They are both thrilled when Nalin again becomes pregnant. However, now she’s demanding to attend the suffragette convention in Dallas. Carter loves his wife, so despite his initial reservations, he agrees to see her safely to the convention and back again.

Their adventure takes a few twists and turns along the way. Will this couple safely and successfully navigate their way through these turbulent times and find the happily ever after they both deserve?

Publisher’s Note: This book contains explicit erotic and spanking scenes. If such material offends you, please do not purchase.

Excerpt
She stood in front of him and looked into his eyes. His expression was stony. She couldn’t find a trace of tenderness.

“I’m sorry, Carter,” she said, tears flowing freely. “Please punish me, I deserve it. But please don’t hate me.”

Carter didn’t respond right away, and each second that ticked by filled Nalin with increasing fear that he would never forgive her.

“Why would you ask me not to hate you? I’m angry enough, Nalin, without that nonsense.”

Nalin could tell he was struggling to keep his voice level. “I’m sorry,” she said, crying.

“But Carter, I’m so afraid. Tell me my wicked deed hasn’t caused you to lose your love for me. I beg you to tell me that before you punish me. I’ve never seen that look on your face. It looks like you hate me and will never forgive me. I can’t bear it!”

Carter raised his voice to a bellow, which took her by surprise, since he rarely yelled at her.

“This is the look of a husband who feels betrayed by his wife! It’s the look of a man angry with himself for not stowing that money properly at the bank or in a safe. It’s the look of a business owner worried about the future of his business and his ability to pay his employees. It is not, I repeat, not, the look of a man who hates you.”

In a stern voice closer to its usual volume, he added, “I will always love you. Is that what you need to hear, young lady?”

“Y-yes. Thank you, Carter.” She hiccupped.

He scowled at her. “Say it. Say, ‘My husband will always love me’.”

Nalin did so in a quiet, trembling voice.

“Say it again. Louder and with confidence.”

“My husband will always love me,” she repeated, trying to settle her sobs.

“Again!” he shouted, and slammed his palm down on the kitchen table.

“My husband will always love me!”

“Do you believe it? You will repeat it until you do, even if it takes all night.”

“Yes, sir. I-I believe it.”

“Good. You’re going to need to remember how much I love you during this punishment.

Bend over the table and lift your skirts.”

 

Buy The Submissive Suffragette (Lone Star Love Book 1)

AMAZON US: http://amzn.to/1TxWFRl

AMAZON UK: http://amzn.to/23BxrHg

BLUSHING BOOKS: http://bit.ly/1QWmZCP

BARNES & NOBLE: http://bit.ly/24Glwha

Also in the Lone Star Love Series

The Unbraiding of Anna Brown (Lone Star Love Book 2) – Hardened widower awakens from grief when met by a sweet, headstrong young lady in need of some old-fashioned discipline. http://amzn.to/1TxYUUJ

 

Missy Meets the Marshal (Lone Star Love Book 3) – A troubled woman in need of protection and discipline meets a tough marshal, whose job it is to provide both. http://amzn.to/1TOtHPU

 

 

About Amelia Smarts

#1 Amazon Bestseller in Historical Erotica and Erotic Westerns!

 

I’m an author of romance novels featuring domestic discipline/spanking. Usually my stories involve a cowboy, and they always involve a man’s firm hand connecting with a woman’s naughty backside. It’s important to me that I tell a good story in addition to portraying hot sex and discipline scenes. I write complex, flawed heroes and heroines who struggle and succeed in their journey to love and happiness.

 

I hold graduate and undergraduate degrees in creative writing and English, and I love the written word. If you’d like to talk books with me, feel free to drop me a note at amelia_smarts@yahoo.com. Happy reading!

 

Author Links

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/author.amelia.smarts

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AmeliaSmarts @ameliasmarts

Blog: http://ameliasmarts.com/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/ameliasmarts

Amazon: amazon.com/author/ameliasmarts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The P Word – Piggybacking!

The problem with being an UK author published by a US company with primarily US authors and readers is that I’m always missing Facebook drama when it kicks off. Curse you, time difference!

That’s not really right. Facebook drama isn’t anything to get excited about, and proper grownups should avoid it at all costs. My mother calls is washing your dirty linen in public, and I get where she’s coming from. The thing is, it’s just too interesting to ignore!

When I blearily checked my author Facebook account at six o’clock this morning, news of alleged plagiarism was being discussed. I don’t know too much about it, and I’m hesitant to name names. I don’t know the people involved, and I don’t know the full story. It does make me realise that my gut reaction to the thought of co-authoring a book with someone – running away, screaming in fear – is probably the right one considering what seems to have happened.

That made me think about something else though, a real pet peeve of mine, and that is authors who write using characters created by somebody else. I call it piggybacking, and I mean all the Jane Austen books that write about Lizzie as Mrs Darcy, or have the Dashwood sisters fighting off sea monsters, and all the authors who have Sherlock Holmes help their own plucky detective out. What’s worse, all the authors who include actual historical characters in their work – Freud helping to solve murders, Oscar Wilde dropping in to share a few bon mots. 

This all makes me so angry!

For the love of God, people, create your own bloody characters! Stop piggybacking on the work of people who were creative enough to invent interesting characters! Just because their work has gone out of copyright and you can do it legally, it doesn’t mean that you can do it morally. It’s lazy, uninspired writing and I can’t stand it!

Authors who use real people as supplementary characters annoy me even more. How the hell do you know that the real historical person would behave like that? That they would say the words you put in their mouths? That they would espouse the beliefs you give them? The very best biographers would be hard pressed to do this. What self-inflated sense of ego makes you think that you could manage it?

I think the closest I’ve ever got in my own writing is have Daniel and Annabelle attend an audience with Queen Victoria, and have Sophia Preston be presented to her. In both books the queen is mentioned but not seen, which is as comfortable as I am with including real people in my books.

Historical fiction that tries to accurately represent actual history, through the medium of fiction – well, I have my doubts. A run-in with a Sharon Penman book made me dig in my heels on the topic, and no matter how minutely researched Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall is there’s no way that I can finish it. C J Sansome gets away with it because the main character isn’t a real person, but even then I only read the first book once.

Let’s not get me started on P D James, who should have bloody well known better than to write Death at Pemberley, or Ben H Winters who would be best served by never trapping himself in an enclosed space with me; I am of the firm opinion that if Jane Austen had wanted zombies or sea monsters in her work, she would have included them in her final draft.

So authors, do yourself a favour. If you can’t invent interesting, memorable, relatable characters yourself, don’t steal other people’s. It does you zero favours with this reader, and I’m sure, many others.

 

 

 

I’m such a nerd – and I love it!

I’m a Trekkie, a Pot-Head and a WingNut and I wear those labels proudly. They represent three different sets of  stories that I’ve loved for a long time and I’ll happily chat for hours about any of them. I’m a Browncoat, too, and I’ve been a Slayerette. I’m an Adventurekateer and a Whovian and if there was a name for fans of Paddington bear, I’d be one of those too. He has a very unnerving stare, you know.

What do Game of Thrones fans call themselves? I ask because I’ve been reading the books since they were first published and I watch the TV show with an excitement that borders of the ridiculous. I’ve never dabbled in the fandom though, until recently. I think it’s because I’m not sure which fandom I want to be in; there is a significant difference between the books and the TV show. I’ve been listening to a few podcasts about the books, and it’s made me fascinated by the backstory that George RR Martin, the Great Glacier himself, has created for his vast fantasy world. It’s irritating that the one podcast I can find that specifically talks about the history of Westeros has a host that I can’t stand, and even more irritating that my favourite book-related podcast is actually going on hiatus during the new TV season and joining the irritating host on his podcast, but I suppose I’ll have to grit my teeth and bear it.

Just like I know what house I’d be Sorted into at Hogwarts (not Gryffindor, sadly) I’m pretty sure which House I’d be a member of in the books. Or, at least, I know which House I’d like to be associated with.

In reality I’d probably be a peasant who dies of some horrible illness or is murdered by a rampaging army during the War of the Five Kings. Of all the places to live in Westeros, I think Dorne is the best. It’s semi-indpendent from King’s Landing, in no little amount due to the actions of the Rhoynish warrior queen Nymeria, who brought her people to Dorne, married its prince and ruled it after his death. It has better weather and wine than the rest of Westeros, women seem to be more highly respected there (probably because of Nymeria’s influence) and the men seem to be unreasonably attractive. RIP Prince Oberyn, His Royal Hotness. I like the motto of House Martell is Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken, which is my favourite of all the mottos.

So, Dorne it is. The next time I see a shirt on Tee Fury with the Martell motto on it, I’m buying it to wear during my rewatch of the show or re-read of the books.

I still don’t know what fans of the book or show call themselves, though. Anybody know?

house_martell_banner_52082_884_797

This tumblr meme passed me by

Apparently Tumblr went crazy over a short video of a dad and a son having a really cool time with a trombone and an oven door. I missed it completely, not understanding how Tumblr works and all.

That prompted fan artists to go a bit crazy and put their favourite pairings in a trombone/oven door cartoon, asking who would be playing the trombone and who would be slamming the hell out of an oven door. There’s a funny Scully/Mulder one – no prizes for guessing who gets to play the trombone in that pairing. All this, however, was completely unknown to me.

Then, thanks to Buzzfeed and a round up of funny Harry Potter Tumblr posts, I came upon this gem:

hermione trombone

A Tumblr poster asked what Hermione was doing on the train when Ron and Harry were flying to Hogwarts in The Chamber of Secrets. This was posted in response, by this Tumblr user.

Now, remember, I had completely missed all the fuss over the video of the dad and the son having a blast in the kitchen. I had no idea what this cartoon was referencing. Yet somehow, the idea that in the absence of her best friends Hermione would take the opportunity to let rip on her trombone, with Crookshanks backing her up on oven door, just made me laugh outrageously. Yes, I know, Crookshanks didn’t appear until The Prisoner of Azkaban, but I’m still laughing at his shades so I’m going to let it go.

I think the reason that I laughed so much – and still do, it’s my phone home screen – is that I just love the character of Hermione so much. She’s plunged, age 11, into a completely different world, a world unlike anything she’s ever known before, and she just throws herself into trying to understand it, and excel in it. She doesn’t let anything stop her or get in her way of being the best witch she can be, even when she’s ostracised by her classmates. That’s why she’s a Gryffindor – somebody else, from a Muggle family completely separate from the wizarding world, might be too overwhelmed to cope with all the changes you’d need to make to fit in with a whole new life. Not Hermione, though – she went at it warp speed. It takes bravery to reinvent your life like that.

So, that’s why I laugh when I see this silly cartoon, based on a sillier 15 second video, because I’m pretty sure that when life hands Hermione lemons, she breaks out her trombone and rocks out. Once again, Hermione is an inspiration. And she looks pretty damn good in a pair of sunglasses, too.

(Just in case you were wondering, I think Annabelle Spencer (now Duchess of Rothmuir) would definitely be the one rocking the trombone, while her husband Daniel banged the hell out of the oven door.)

I’ve been the heroine of a gothic novel and I didn’t even realise it…

pneumonia

 

Well, the resolution to post more went the way of the dodo, didn’t it?

In my defense, I got the ‘flu. No, not the sort of ‘flu that people with a heavy cold say they have, I mean the actual sweating, shaking, high fever, out of it for a week sort of ‘flu. Only because I’m an idiot, I went into work with it and suffered in misery for three days before collapsing for four days under my duvet, surfacing only to feed the cat and find more tissues.

Then, because I have the self-preservation instincts of a suicidal lemming, I rushed back to work and promptly developed what my doctor insists is mild pneumonia. Mild enough to be treated with antibiotics at home and not be admitted into hospital, that is. I still have a honking cough and a huge collection of used tissues full of disgusting phlegm that could be used as missiles in a biological war against the loud people next door.  I just need a decent delivery system. I’m considering using the cat.

On the other hand, I have been suffering the sort of illness that heroines of Romantic fiction used to get all the time, although I get the impression that they swooned more and had a delicate cough. I’ve been snoring under a duvet and peering into tissues saying “Gross!”

So, writing has fallen by the wayside recently, which is incredibly frustrating. I have written 10000 words this week, then I took a day off to collect some fantastic clothes from Cardiff and see Deadpool (finally, a reason for Ryan Reynolds. I was wondering what the point of him was, and it was to star in one of the best Marvel films, and certainly the best X Man film, to date). I have today put aside for writing, then I have to get on with actual Real Life job for a while.

However, to spur me on, I got an email from the lovely people at Blushing Books today telling me that the proofs of the print copies of my Victorian Vices series are ready for checking! Real books! Real books with my (writing) name on them! Once the proofs are checked, I get my ten free copies that I can give away to people, so I’m sensing some kind of give-away in the not so distant future.

So, on to writing. My heroine is discovering that this whole sex malarky is actually a huge amount of fun, and my hero is slowly realising that he is, against his will, beginning to fall in love. How will I put an obstacle in their path? Ah, the fun a writer has in torturing her characters…